Reality and What Could've Been
by Dawn Bently
Summary: There was something about his voice when he asked that question. I hadn't a single idea what it was, but it made me worry I would hate the rest of the conversation. Unfortunately, the overwhelming feeling came to be true


I made a mistake when I first uploaded this story. I meant Ray and not Roy. They're often interchangeable in my mind. Sorry. All fixed now!

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There was something about his voice when he asked that question. I hadn't a single idea what it was, but it made me worry I would hate the rest of the conversation. Unfortunately, the overwhelming feeling came to be true.

"Do you believe in fate?" He'd asked me in the middle of an otherwise silent night. We'd been laying in the old abandoned house he'd found in the forest during his many adventures. The sleeping bag was just big enough for us both in I rolled to my side and let his arm wrap around me, holding me close to his body.

After taking in a deep breath, I managed to answer despite everything inside me telling me to avoid the answer at all costs. "I don't know really. Why do you ask something like that?"

"What about karma?" He replied, ignoring my question even though I'd answered his.

"I don't know. Why?" I repeated.

"It's just," Kyle rolled to his side as well though he wasn't completely on his side because the size of the sleeping bag didn't allow it. All he really did was make us both uncomfortable in that tight space. "Sometimes I wonder if maybe I did something to deserve a life like this." He answered, still confusing me.

"Life like what?"

"No memories. No idea who I am, or who I was."

"Is it that bad? Not knowing?" I asked. I was never really sure how it felt about his situation. The only people he knew were the people of Alvarna, which also applied to me but it didn't bother me much.

"It's only a small part of my life that I wish wasn't true."

"What are the other parts?"

Kyle shifted his position again so that he was laying beside me once more. I was able to snuggle to his body and felt his arm slide up to stroke my hair. "Wanting a woman I was never meant to have. Marrying a woman I never really wanted."

Then I knew why I shouldn't have indulged his talk of fate and karma.

"Why do you have to do this?" I asked him, shutting my eyes tight, hoping the tears would not fall. I knew for fact he feel them on his shoulder if I let them roll down my cheeks. "Why can't you just enjoy the few moments we have? Why can't you let things be?" I demanded of him, though I wasn't really mad. I only needed something to focus on other than the tears he'd created in my eyes.

"Mana, what makes you think I like this?" He replied with a valid argument. Of course he didn't like our arrangements. I didn't like our arrangements either, but I wouldn't ruin the few moments we have with talk about how much we dislike them.

"I don't, Kyle. Don't be ridiculous. Of course you don't like this. I don't like this either, but you're not the only one in this situation." I told him, deciding to turn my head so he could see the tears I'd given up on holding back. "And whatever you're thinking you did, you're wrong. You didn't do anything to deserve a life like this. Nobody deserves a life like this. But you could at least stop acting as if it's your situation that's the worst."

"What could possibly be worse than loving a woman I can't marry? And waking up next to some woman I can't stand?" He asked, his voice softening as he reached out with his other arm to wipe the tears form my face.

"What about loving a man married to some other woman?" I answered. "What about watching him laugh and play with his child that I'm not the mother of? What about pretending everything is ok, when all I ever think about is the fact that she should've been me?"

Everything feel silent around us once more as Kyle stare at me. I knew he hadn't the slightest idea of what to say, partly because he knew it was harder to watch a love one love another than it was to pretend to love a person while secretly loving another. He only held me tightly, his body heat warming me as well.

It was a harsh winter, and neither of us had the courage to crawl out of the sleeping bag to find our clothes. All we could do was hold one another in that sleeping bag and hope that one day we'd wake up in some other land where we would be free to live the life we'd always wanted together.

It was one of the hardest days of my life when I heard the news of the engagement. And it was the day after my father rejected Kyle as my husband for the fifth time. To give him credit, he did try five times to marry me. And he did avoid my too closest friends, Cecilia and Alicia, even though they would've been far easier women to pursue.

What ate at me constantly was the choice he did make. It was always too easy for men to fall in love with Rosalind, especially with that exotic blue hair of hers, her perfect creamy skin, and her laugh that sounds like music. Maybe that had been what hurt the most. Instead of me, the average girl next door, he'd chosen the village beauty; the woman that seemed as if she belonged in the big cities with tall buildings and lights that never turn off. She never seemed like she fit in such a small town kept afloat by Kyle's farm.

She'd even made a point it call it their farm. As if she had any part in keeping it running. Little did she know, I had all the information about what really happens behind those closed doors. Kyle was quick to complain about the wife he didn't want and the child he doubted was his.

She hardly worked at all and often complained that staying in sun too long would damage her complexion. She also feared getting her best dress dirty, and wanted her hand to remain in their perfectly soft condition. Kyle had commented that had he wanted to listen to a woman complain all day about their skin, clothes and hands, he'd have married Julia and at least been able to use the bathhouse free of charge.

I couldn't help but feel that he only wanted women with assets beneficial to him. Julia would've give him access to the bathhouse and Rosalind has a endless supply of money to support him and his farm. I had nothing really.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" Kyle's voice pulled me from my thoughts and turned to smile at him. "We only have a few hours left before I have to get back to Rosalind and her son."

"Who exactly are you accusing of fathering your child?" I asked out of pure curiosity.

"Ray." He answered quickly and seriously. "That boy had dark purplish hair, but Rosalind insists that her hair was that dark too and that it has become lighter over the years through exposure to the sun."

"A plausible reason." I pointed out.

"He enjoys listening to Natalie rattle on about illnesses and how to cure them."

Then I paused to look him in the eye. I did my best not to smile, but he saw through me anyway.

"Is this somehow funny to you?" He asked.

"At least I know you don't have a child that's not mine." I answered and watched as he smiled at me too. "Besides, as much as I may hate Rosalind, she still deserves love too. I suppose your marriage ruined all of our lives."

"You could just marry Ray and have my child then." He suggested and I could help but hit his in the back of the head though he both laughed at the notion.

"My father simply wouldn't allow it."

"Then what happens if we do accidently create a little child of our own?"

For a moment I pondered what we do should anything like that happen, then it occurred to me. "I hear Kardia is a beautiful village."


End file.
